over a cat

I feel like Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets, when it's time to give back Simon's dog. He holds the dog up, looks at it, and starts to cry when he realizes how close he and the dog have become. After a moment, he catches himself and says, "Over a dog. Over an ugly dog!"

Only I didn't catch myself and pretty much bawled when Schmin came for Mira yesterday. I didn't want to make him feel bad; she is his cat. But it was really, really hard to see her go. When I get settled in Houston, Schmin says she can come and stay with me, but right now, while I'm in the process of moving, it isn't the best idea for me to keep her. And anyway he wanted his cat back.

When Schmin was little and had something I wanted, I'd ask him for it, and if he said no, which he rarely did, I'd just sadly say Okay, well, nevermind, and he'd change his mind and give it to me, not wanting to see me suffer. Thinking about this, I'm reminded that when he was a child I was a child too. I did my very best not to recreate this early scenario yesterday. I saw that I was starting to guilt him a little, and I pulled back. The tears, though, the tears I couldn't help. When he got her home, Schmin called to tell me that he'll bring her back next week, and I can keep her for another week, but I don't think I will. I told him I'll see her when I visit, that he's doing a great job with her, and that I'll be fine.

And then I hung up and cried some more.