Wednesday, December 10, 2008

it went a little something like this

Sorry, Mo! Didn't mean to keep you waiting! (Now the story may not live up, lol.)

Well. Okay. Man, what a difference a couple of days make. Now I'd much rather show you guys my latest Guild find for my kitchen, but I guess I'll go on and finish up about the psychic.

The good but boring part is that he told me I am surrounded by light, and therefore will soon be having myself a gay old time spreading my new found wealth around. He said that in my internal world things are fine, and that I just have to remember not to be fooled by external circumstances. I could get behind all this. Especially the part about the moolah. He said my Yoruba energy is Shango, which is a male energy, and that Shango is the reason I work hard like a man. (Um. Not so much.) However, I am moving into Oshun, a flirty, fun, female energy, so I'm closing in on party time. I'll take that too. For his abilities as a psychic, I'd give him a 4 out of 10. He didn't tell me anything about my life that I hadn't already thought of, or that I could prove or disprove (how do I really know if I'm Shango or not?), but I'll accept a feel-good reading any day.

But I wasn't there to test his psychic ability so much as to rate him on the sexy meter.

See, I have a friend down here (who shall remain nameless but it ain't hard to guess) who is dating this woman. A woman who sees this psychic on a regular basis. In the past, she's seen him even more regularly, because even though she was married at the time, this psychic read her so well that she opened like a flower, if you know what I mean. They started up a thang, which they eventually stopped, but she still goes to see him at least once a month. My friend was telling me about this, scratching his head over what this psychic has going on that's so powerful good, when we got the idea for me to go see him as a spy. My friend would cover the 75 dollar charge, and I would issue a full report. My mission was to see if I could understand why the woman my friend is dating would feel the need to jump the psychic's bones, and remain a loyal client.

I couldn't figure it out. On the sexy meter, I give him a 2. He'd get a 2.5 if he wasn't so full of himself. Judging from his demeanor, the (F)African priest vibe + his "intuitionist" powers = panties thrown on the stage. I think he sees a lot of lonely married women. I know he takes full advantage of the fact. (Oh, and apparently his game is so tight that he doesn't have to work that hard at it any more. Not only does he live with his mom, but he did my reading wearing sweats and a T-shirt. Ceremonial robes might've boosted him to a 3!)

It was fun going to see him under the guise of having been sent by some unnamed friend of a friend, and I was kind of hoping he'd blow my cover so I could believe going in that he did indeed have powers.


Ellen Bloom said...

Whoa! Ms. Carla-Nancy-Drew! Sneaky.

Maybe your "friend's" g.f. sees something else goin' on with this guy that you don't see. You're too slick and smart to fall for a guy like this and he could probably sense your skeptical vibe, so he wasn't turnin' on the charm.

Just sayin'....

woolanthropy said...

Mister sexy reading my aura in his sweatpants at his mother's house. Oh brother. He has to act the psychic to get some action.

Let's get on to the guild find!

Anonymous said...

You definitely had me laughing about this guy! His intuition was way off if he didn't know that you were there to check him out on the sly....

I hope it was fun.

golden star said...

Oh, dear. I'm w/ Woolanthropy. Some guy tricks never change.

Wanna hear all the details about the Guild score.

afrowalking said...

Seriously? Hilarious.

How lame. Reminds me of the grown dude in the doc "Real Dolls" who was having a romantic relationship with a life-size doll, AND living with his parents. Puh-lease. NOT sexy.

Anonymous said...

It must all be in his pants then. Tell Anthony to stop wasting his ttime. He doesn't need this!

mo said...

so funny that i read the whole thing aloud to will.

absolutely worth the wait.

(and i didn't need to hear from him that you're surrounded by light ... i see it whenever you walk in a room, when i hear your laugh or look at the spaces between your words.)