I just don't know what I'm going to do when this election is over. For weeks now, I haven't been able to turn away. (Who has?) I have withdrawals when I think about the end, so I've made a major, life-changing decision. One that will demand major sacrifices and untold dedication to my country.
I've decided to run for President of the United States as a write-in candidate.
Please, don't thank me. Thank Sarah Palin, who has taken mediocrity to truly astounding heights. The Alaskan anger bear has given me so much inspiration. I just know I'm qualified for the job!
All I needed was a running mate who could give Palin some competition.