I read about Blog365, but didn't sign up for it, figuring I'd keep my commitment mostly to myself. The idea of a year's worth of daily blogging appealed to me for one main reason: perfect attendance. I never had perfect attendance in school, and I always envied the one or two kids who were honored for it at the end of each school year. I secretly believed they had perfect parents, orderly out-of-school lives. I held perfect attendance in higher esteem than I did perfect academic records, which didn't seem so far out of reach.
Daily blogging is my way of reaching for the gold star at the end of 2008. It's already October; I'm almost there.
The perfect attendance students weren't always the academic stars. Sometimes they were just average kids, so average that you'd barely notice they were there every day. I see my posts the same way: sometimes they don't shine, but they're here. Not all of them can be scholars, or win the role of teacher's pet. When you're blogging every day, whatever your reasons, sometimes you post a few from the back of the room.
This transition is hard in ways I never imagined it would be. I don't have words to talk about it, so I haven't. I'm not making anything these days. Not following your blogs like I love to do. I'm trying to find home in a strange place. Trying to make a place for my son, who needs me to mother him more than he has in a long time. Trying not to cry when I realize I can't pop over to Natalie's to watch Tivoed Oprah, or just to hang around with my friend. I've made the choices I've made for good reasons, but it's like the poet said, there's a staying in my going and a going in my staying and all that.
I'll get back to the good stuff. And I'll post it right up here on the blackboard, to share with the whole class. (I've already visited one knitting shop. I bought the same yarn Natalie bought, in the same color, to knit the same project -- love you lots, Natalie.)
In the meantime, there will be a cat, and other mundane things that in posting, I am declaring myself present.