Tuesday, April 18, 2006

long time no see

I am alive and very much wanting to do some furious blogging, but, alas, my replacement hard drive has yet to arrive from Dell, and my desktop decided it's not much interested in going online anymore (causing it to have a run-in with a hammer, but that's neither here nor there). This puts me at the mercy of la biblioteca, which gives me one measly hour to gather my thoughts and spin my tales here at Portland's Central Library. Since I haven't blogged in so long, it's a task I'm hardly up to, so I'm dropping in briefly to express gratitude to everyone who commented on my last entry.

The whole to medicate or not to medicate issue is fraught with opportunity for debate. My personal opinion is that pills are overprescribed. I went to my gyno, a general practitioner, a couple years ago for an annual examination of my lady parts. He asked me how I'd been feeling. I told him I wasn't sleeping well and felt inexplicably tired all the time. He said I was suffering from mild depression and asked if I wanted a prescription. I'd been against the idea but mulled it over, thinking I could possibly be missing good times and fun feelings and the solving of every single problem I'd ever had (perhaps even the resurrection of my dearly departed mother) by refusing. I came to my senses after a few days and decided the pills weren't for me. For one thing, should they really be that easy to come by? No referral to a shrink? No Rorschach-like evaluation test? This particular doctor had only seen me once or twice before so it wasn't like he even knew me well enough to say, Hey, I see you're not yourself lately, before offering meds. Like Sahara, I became suspect of drugs, especially as they are doled out to women.

But then, I see Faith's point, too. In some cases, depression can be debilitating. I'm not one to stand against pills when they're absolutely necessary. Problem is, often times so little is done to make the determination. I pictured my doctor out on some junket, floating on the turquoise waters surrounding St. Kitts, holding up his champagne glass in salute to the pharmaceutical company that put him there. Like in a movie, my mind's camera pulls out to reveal the words painted on the boat: "The Good Ship Zoloft." For now, like Lady Lino and Ellen said, I'll stick with making stuff. And, Sahara, friendship certainly helps, too.

I'm almost down to the last ten minutes of my allotted time and it's hard for me to write under this kinda pressure, but I'll be back here on a regular basis pretty soon (won't I Dell? Won't I?). I've been traveling some, and I've got the pictures to prove it. San Francisco, Tucson, Portland. Tales of yarn all over the place.


jessie said...

I applaud your decision to resist the pills, at least until looking into the problem further. I am not at all against medication, just the casual way it is prescribed these days.

I have found that exercise makes a HUGE difference in my mood and energy and stress levels. I wonder why a doctor wouldn't prescribe a few weeks of exercise first, and then meds if that didn't work, especially since the exercise has other health benefits that the meds do not.

Hang in there!

Ellen Bloom said...

Yippeee!! Welcome back, SappMama!! We missed your eloquence, intelligence and insight. Can't wait to see the yarn porn photos from afar!

Summer said...

good to see you back, lady. I can tell you lots and lots and even more about living with mental illness minus the pills. email me if you want.

MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Good for you - Thoughtfully evaluating your alternatives and making an informed choice. That's a heckuva lot better than blindly following anyone.

I hope you get your hard drive soon; I'm sure that's gonna help too!

sappmama said...

Aw, thanks for the comments, guys. They mean a lot to me.

Jessie, I started running in the mornings a few weeks ago but it was hard to be consistent with all the traveling. You have helped me decide to fire it up again.

Ellen, yarn porn soon! xo

Summer, we have to chat. I'll be in touch very soon.

Monkey, if ever I needed a hard drive, it's now! It's so hard to figure anything out without my computer. What did we do before Word and the Internet?

sahara said...

Hey there,

In another life, I used to be the medical assistant for an allergist. Whenever the pharm companies came out with a new product, everyone got it, no matter what they had. My doctor's boat was named "The On Call." I took the bus to work.

I am totally against the medicalization of America, and of women in general, unless, as Faith says the depression is debilitating. Sometimes depression, accompanied by tiredness is biological, as in a mal-functioning thyroid, or depending upon your age, just the beginnings of menopause. Internalized anger due to racism, can be a cause too, although it is not dealt with. And medicated women do not fight back, which, in the end is what a lot folks long for. Especially from us sisters.

Ever thought what Ida B. Wells would be like if she took Zoloft, after her office was burned down behind her anti-lynching campaign? Now, that was something to be depressed about.

I'm glad you've been traveling.
Changing your environment, changes your eyes. I need a break, terribly.

Darcy said...

Yes, drug companies are evil but when in pain one can only think of relief, no matter the multitude of side effects.(often worse than the diagnosis)I am one who puts alot of blame on birth control pills, I was depressed and crazy on them and know others that had similar findings. I know you'll sort it out and I just want you to know that you are a gem. ;)

Darcy said...

Oh, and I would love to take a hammer to my computer!!!

MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Just don't shoot it - I saw this article and thought immediately of you!!!


kellz said...

Dear Sappmama,
Just stopping by to say hello!
where ya at? i hope all is well. look forward to hearing from you soon!